Tag: Chats

Suited & Booted And My Working Balance

Damien and I shot these images in January…JANUARY. It’s now April. I feel a reoccurring theme at the start of my blog posts of me often parroting on about how the time has flown by; but as I feel myself hurdling into Spring once again, it’s hard not to take notice and vocalise the fact that time has whizzed by, leaving me feeling solicitous in my want to get certain things done.

Once again my blog took a backseat over the month of March and it’s just a never ending cycle in the thing I like to call my ‘working life’s balance’. I spread my social media content across my blog, Youtube and Instagram. I’m like a juggler who has only ever learnt to juggle two balls well enough (does that even count as juggling). When it comes to juggling it all, I’ve never quite managed to keep all three balls going consistently at once, and so to metaphorically speak, I tend to drop a ball every now and then and focus on keeping the momentum with just two instead…until I finally feel ready to add in another ball again, which I eventually drop of course, and so the cycle continues like this.

It’s something I’m now very much used to and it’s something that doesn’t bother me so much these days, at least not like it did before. I remember a time (not that long ago actually) when I’d put immense pressure on myself to try and keep everything to a schedule which I inevitably always failed to stick to. I’d always wind up feeling rubbish about my inability to keep up with things and so in the end, after a good long while of this self critical behaviour and hitting breaking point with it, I had to take my foot right off the pressure peddle.

I’ve noticed the people who tend to do things best only focus on that one thing. My problem is, I like lots of things, so I often find it hard to focus on one, and only one consistently. So over time, I’ve come to find my own sense of balance with it all, which means focusing on the things I like in rotation. I’ll admit it can be a tricky one, especially when these thing form together to be my job, but I’ve found that this is how things work best for me right now.

I’m taking things a lot slower this year in all aspects of my life. It’s done wonders for my mind and even the way I approach things and take on work. Of course I still get stressed and have those periods of panic, but I feel a lot more in control of them than I did last year. Accepting that things can still move forward and progress positively without always being ‘on it’ (so to speak) with everything, has been quite a liberating feeling.

So whilst the change in seasons is a noticeable marker that time has passed and so I really need to get certain things done (like simply check in here for example), it’s not a real cause for concern and instead just a polite nudge to not forget about the other things that I also want and need to do.

And with that very long winded self-analytical, cathartical mind dump over, I’ll briefly finish with a bit about this outfit and the original reason for taking these images in the first place.

Back in October last year, Asos invited me along to their HQ for a tailoring workshop. As a lover of blazers over here, of course I jumped at the chance and so on a trip down to London I popped into Asos for an afternoon of suit browsing and fittings and in the process I got to have a behind the scenes look at the design process at Asos. As someone who has shopped on Asos a lot over the years, it was all very interesting to see and myself and the two other bloggers who were invited along, Chloe and Hannah, were kindly gifted our own bespoke suits and jackets. I went for this blazer and flared trouser combo in a black pin stripe and when it arrived in December I was eager to shoot in it, as well as wear it of course. I shot it in January, then fast forward to now and I’m only just getting round to sharing the shots, but better late than never hey.

Anyway, I just wanted to say a bit about the outfit in this post, to share a little bit about the fun experience and to put things into context as of course this exact design isn’t available online, however they do have the same style in different prints, some of which are perfect for Spring Summer and I’ve linked below.

So there we have it. That’s enough blabbering on from me for this post but I’ll catch up with you again soon. Ciao for now.

Samio x

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April 5, 2019
Sometimes I don’t start things in fear of them not being good enough

Sometimes I don’t start things in fear of them not being good enough. I’d love to say that I am fearless and that nothing phases me, but if I’m truly honest with myself, I don’t think I am.

In some aspects I am that fearless person and my passion to do certain things knows no bounds. At other times though, the longing is there, however the feelings of self doubt creep in and I am therefore held back by my own insecurities. I don’t feel particularly insecure on the surface, but if a fear of not being good enough at something is holding me back from doing it, then surely I have to admit that it stems from insecurity.

I think it comes down to knowing our strengths, or at least thinking we know them and getting into a habit of focusing on what we know and have been proven to be good at. A pastry chef may be confident in their ability to make the most amazing Profiteroles, but then ask them to say, make fresh pasta and they may feel unsure of their capability to do it to the standard which they have perfected with the profiteroles – and so may be reluctant to even try. This is a somewhat random example and there may be a pastry chef who reads this and is thinking ‘actually I can make wicked fresh pasta for your information!’. But my point is, stepping out of our comfort zone, even if only slightly, can often be more daunting than we give it credit. And so we find ourselves saying things we’d like to do, knowing full well that they are not entirely unachievable, however we never get round to doing them, due to something deep down holding us back. It’s that hidden insecurity, which we often bury with the age old excuses of not having enough time, or the right tools or enough money and so on.

When I think of all the things I started when I had no clue and very little resources but went ahead and did anyway; I think of how different things would have been if I had maybe never been brave enough to give them a go. My blog for one is probably one of my biggest examples. When I started my blog I didn’t even read them, I just had a passion to create and share and so that’s what I did. Of course I look back at some old posts and laugh to myself at their pointlessness, my questionable outfits and my writing (or lack of)…but if I hadn’t started, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

Now I couldn’t imagine not having this little space on the internet and it still amazes me that it evolved into part of my job…but what if I’d never started. What if that self doubt had crept in, what if I’d had that overwhelming fear of not being good enough and I hadn’t just gone ahead and published my first post and continued to share regardless. Who knows, maybe I would have found something else that I was equally passionate about to focus on, maybe I wouldn’t. All I do know however, is that in starting I have no regrets and in fact I feel thankful to my past self for being fearless enough to just start something new.

Even when I look back at the things I tried and failed at, I never look back with regret, as each thing has taught me a lesson or two along the way, if not only given me some very funny stories, some of which I’ll maybe have to recount to you in future posts.

I guess it all comes down to the push. I’ll explain what I mean by that in a second, but first I want to say how it’s funny that I’d written the start of this blog post a couple of weeks ago and it had sat on my desktop, unfinished since then. Over the weekend though, I spent a lot of time chatting with some of my fellow creative friends and a lot of what we discussed actually focused on the topics in this post. I guess that’s what inspired me to pick things back up and finish this post today.

Basically, when chatting to a friend, I’d used an elaborate metaphor to describe a situation of trying something new and quickly transitioning from one period to another. I said how the thing we want to do but maybe feel too afraid to try is like diving into a swimming pool from a high up diving board; you find yourself standing on the diving board and looking down at the deep blue pool below. It looks appealing, inviting even, but you are so far away from it, it looks too scary to just dive right in.

And so you wait, stood on the diving board (in your safe space if you like) looking into the deep blue water below, wondering and imagining what it would be like but not feeling quite brave enough, or feeling like it’s not quite the right timing to just dive right in…until eventually, (if you’re lucky), you get the push. Either through forces outside of your control, or through your own urges to get on with it, you jump.

Then you find yourself falling and plummeting into the freezing cold water. It’s different, it’s outside of your safe space and it can even be a shock to the system. But then you pull yourself to the surface and catch your breath. You realise that you did it, in fact, you’re doing it right now. It still feels different but you dived right in and now you’re finally doing the thing that you’ve been wanting to do for the longest time.

It’s not necessarily easy, but you have two choices, you either stick in this pool and keep swimming, or you get out. The longer that you’re in the water though, the more you find yourself getting used to it and soon you start to swim, you even start to enjoy and become good at it and eventually you look back and think, I’m glad I dived in.

Like I said, that was my very elaborate (and somewhat long winded) metaphor, but it’s the best way I can describe the process and it pretty much sums up some of my own experiences. There have been times where I have got out of the pool (metaphorically speaking) after having dived into certain situations. It’s important to know that not every experience will wind up being for you, and that’s completely okay…but then if you never try you’ll never know. So what’s it going to be, stay firmly planted on the board, or dive right in?

Samio x

The photos in this post were shot by myself. I have a series called #SamiosSelfPortraits which you can see more of here.

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February 4, 2019
A New Year, A New Pace

It’s two and half weeks (and a bit) into the year already and I’ll start by saying overall, so far, so good. I kicked off my year (as usual) feeling incredibly hungover but with little regret, as we’d once again achieved the success of an epic new year’s eve party, with lots of our close friends round at ours to celebrate.

Due to these spirited (in more ways than one) New Year’s Eve celebrations, I tend to officially start my new year on the second day of January, when my brain is no longer rattling in its scull, we’ve swept up any lingering glitter and any traces of Christmas have been tidied away.

This year however, my body had another idea and I woke up on the second of January with a cold, or as I’ll refer to it, my very own bout of severe level Man flu. It was annoying, to say the least and I must admit that by week two I was feeling a tad stir crazy, which led me to feeling quite sorry for myself – poor Damien bore the brunt of it each day when he’d return home from work and I’d be vying for attention like a puppy who’d been left alone at home all day.

In the grand scheme of things it’s not the worse thing that could happen and a cold is just a fleeing setback that most of us have to deal with around this time of year. Plus, whilst being sofa residing for the most part of two weeks, I did in fact still manage to get some work done. I even managed to drag myself away from my snotty tissue ridden hovel that I’d nested myself into on the sofa, put on some makeup and shoot some collaborations in time for their deadlines – go me!

So as I said, cold aside, not a bad start to the year. Now I’m 3 days post cold and feeling enthusiastic to officially get into my year properly.

I always tend to have my positive and optimistic head on around this time of year. I think a lot of us are still feeling driven and that motivation can be quite infectious at times. However, as we move towards the end of the month, I do find there is a tendency for things to all slowly go downhill from there. The January blues creep in and the reality that we’ve not even reach the coldest and gloomiest part of winter hits. It’s like the glum slog between Christmas and Spring that feels never ending. Between that and the emphasis on ‘keeping up with those goals’, there can be an overwhelming pressure to be living our best lives, when all we really want to do is go into hibernate until it’s summer.

I feel different this year though, still eager for summer yes, but just a lot less pressured. Even whilst snivelling my way through the first two weeks of this year, I was still feeling (albeit a little tired) content and calm mentally.

I think the main thing that’s helped my mindset has been my shift in focus this year. I already spoke in my last post about ‘things I’d like to do more of in 2019’, and wanting to have more me time was a big overriding theme there. I’ve been abiding by my own ‘rules’ and allowing myself to switch off, guilt free. I’ve got lost in the pages of a good book, wrote for the sake of writing and switched off from social media. It’s really done me the world of good. It’s also shown me that things don’t all just crumble when I stop. Just because the whole world feels like it’s going at 110mph, it doesn’t mean I have to.

We’re still only two weeks into this year, yes, but so far I’m finding a nice balance between work, me time and socialising (more emphasis can go on the socialising now that I’m lurgy free). I’ve started as I mean to go on, set things in motion that will help me in the long run, started to form new habits that are allowing me to relax and given myself the permission to go at my own pace, which is a lot slower than previously.

Samio x

#SamiosSelfPortraits

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January 17, 2019
Things I’d Like To Do More Of In 2019

Create Art

When I was younger (I’m talking pre-teens), my hobby was always focused on or around art. It sounds somewhat vague but if you would have asked me what my hobby was when I was younger (aside from singing and writing *cough* masterpiece, stage plays for myself and my friends to perform), I would have answered with ‘art’…Creating art, doing arty things and basically taking a huge leaf out of Neil Buchanan’s book and making art, out of basically anything I could get my hands on, was my thing. And I mean, anything. I went as far as ‘collecting’ the insides of toilet rolls, which I’m pretty sure drove my Mother mad at the time. But I never knew when my next creative project would require such unique and versatile props, and let me tell you, the middle of a toilet roll came in handy for a number of my ever dynamic projects.

Moving into my teens I thankfully abandoned the hoarding of loo roll middles. Long gone were my days of creating ‘art’ out of random bits of cardboard, which had been stuck together with PVA glue and professionally finished off with a bullet proof coating of Papier-mâché…but my love for creating did not subside. If anything it grew and with it so did my passion for drawing and painting.

I’m going to boastfully toot my own horn here, and proclaim that I was very good at art growing up (if I do say so myself – but so did my art teacher *toot, toot*). I loved to consume art and I loved to create it. I even used to have a boy in high school pay me to do his art homework because he wasn’t very good at it and, well, I was…but we won’t get too much into that adolescent fraudulent activity in today’s post.

Basically much of my life growing up revolved around being arty and in particular drawing and painting. This lasted right up until my university years…and then, I stopped. I’m not entirely sure why. I guess it’s that age old thing (excuse the pun), of getting older and ‘no longer having time’.

Then into my 20’s my hobby and outlet for being creative evolved into my blog, which then evolved into my job…and then I wound up here, in my late 20’s and hobby-less.

I think it’s important to have hobbies and to be able to tune out to something that isn’t just work related all of the time. Whilst I love my work, I also love having something else outside of it, or else work can become too all consuming without me even realising it. So in a round up to this rather long winded summery, I basically want to get back to creating more tangible art. The stuff that’s non-work related, on paper, or canvas, and maybe even something I can hang on my wall if I fancy. We shall see.

Do More of My Other Hobby

Okay, I tell a lie. I do have hobbies, which I do still practice, I just don’t think I spend enough time on them as I should do.

Another one of my hobbies, which I wish to spend more time on, is acting. I actually got back into it for the first time in a loooonng time, this year. I did two short films this year and I have to admit, I was very rusty getting back into the swing of things. But, it didn’t matter, because ultimately I had fun, and that for me is what it’s all about.

I spoke about ‘things I maybe could have been but wasn’t’ in a previous post a few months back, and an actress, was one of the things I’d mentioned. Acting has always been a passion of mine, which I went as far as to study at university. And whilst I don’t pursue acting as a career, it’s still something I haven’t lost my love for. It’s almost a passion I forget I have until I exercise it and then my love for it comes flooding back. For me it’s such a great escape from the real world, when I’m learning a script, developing a character and then performing. I really do enjoy it and after having got back into it a bit this past year, it’s definitely something I want to do more of, purely for the enjoyment of it.

Drive

Now this next one is not a hobby, in fact, I’ll go as far as to say, it’s not something I particularly enjoy. I don’t hate driving but I wouldn’t say it’s something I’ve ever been excited to do and I certainly don’t have ‘fun’ doing it. Quick back story, for those of you who don’t know, I passed my driving test back in June . After having put off having driving lessons for years and years…and years, I finally decided to bite the bullet back in March and learn to drive. I surprised myself and actually flew through my lessons, and then surprised myself even more when I passed first time. It’s just another example that it’s never too late to learn something new, (even if it’s something you’re not that interested in). Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely glad I learnt to drive but I still don’t have that eagerness or excitement to get in a car and actually drive anywhere.

I’ve neglected my (no longer so) newly learnt skill and I’m still not confident enough to drive on the roads without someone in the passenger seat (preferably Damien – although I’m pretty sure I make him nervous).

The hard part is over. I passed the test. I have the little pink ID and all that, I just need to get off my butt, or actually get on my butt more, and off my feet, and get on the roads! So this year, I need to get back to practicing and building up my confidence driving. I know it will benefit me in the long run and then I won’t have to always rely on Damien to drive us when we need to do a big shop and I’ll be able to go homeware shopping whenever I like too. An excellent benefit.

Write

Well, here I am, writing. Technically, my self proclaimed mish-mash of a job title that is ‘blogger/creative’, implies that I spend the majority of my time writing and whilst in some ways I do (emails are the bane of my life), I actually don’t, in the way in which I’d like…

Blogs are making a comeback. There, I said it. How do I know? Because I said so! Okay, I don’t know, but even if they’re not, I know I want to write more, and my blog is the perfect place for me to do just that. I know this comes back to my job, but I also want to continue to write more of the personal, more diary style posts (like this one) too. Hence me writing right now, because if you hadn’t noticed, this little corner of the internet has been getting a bit more action than usual recently and I have to say, I’m pretty happy about it.

Along with my 100 other, partially abandoned creative related hobbies that need dusting off, writing (surprise, surprise) is also one of them. So to bring it back to my initial point, I’ll be doing more writing here and offline going forward this year.

Exercise

Now before this sounds like a cliche ‘new year, new me’ segment, it’s actually more a case of ‘new year, more of last year me’. Okay that sounded rubbish, but maybe you get my point. I’ve mentioned a few times on the blog about how Damien and I started PT sessions back in August, and if you follow me on Instagram and watch my Instastories then you’ll definitely know that we have since become avid bootcamp/gym goers over the past several months.

I’d go as far as to say it’s actually changed our lives, the whole, getting into fitness thing. It’s been a small, yet at the same time big life change and we’ve just added a new element into our routines that includes working out. Having the PT was just the push we needed to get us into the swing of things and I couldn’t recommend JAG fitness enough who have helped Damien and I so much. For someone who has a job which at times can have no real-routine when it comes to work, it’s actually nice having the routine of working out. For me it helps me mentally as much as it does physically, if not more. It serves as a great time out for me and when I start my morning with a workout I feel like my day is off to a good start.

Read

And if I didn’t already have enough things I wanted to do more of, here is one more. Read. I want to read more books and even more blogs too. I used to love doing a lot of both but in the past year or so I’ve done very little of either.

I feel myself wanting to revert back to my old ways and slow things down a little. It’s often hard, with social media and the online world, as everything is quick and in your face. As it’s a big part of my job, I often feel obliged to constantly been involved in the online world and it’s hard to digest everything, and if I’m honest I can find it quite overwhelming.

Switching off from social media over the festive period has made me realise how much I value my uninterrupted time spent offline too. Things like reading a good book can easily get pushed aside for mindless scrolling and in the end I rarely come away with anything of value. I wouldn’t even say I’m that bad for spending too much time on my phone but I still want to cut it down even more.

Sometimes it’s so easy to procrastinate when working alone from home, or at least, it is for me anyway. When ideas or thoughts just aren’t flowing the way in which I’d like them to, to enable me to work, it’s all too easy to pick up the phone and have a scroll. If anything it can leave my mind feeling more congested and out of sorts than it did to start with.

I’ve come to the realisation that I’m always going to be somewhat of a procrastinator, that’s just how I am…but rather than filling that inescapable procrastination time with nothingness, I may as well fill that time doing something that I actually enjoy and which fills me with something useful. And so, I’ve decided to fill those moments with reading. Be it a chapter from a book I’m currently reading or an interesting article or blog post. I at least want to fill my ‘idle time’ with something that gives me a little more back. So I think reading is a good replacement for that, plus it’s something I thoroughly enjoy when I get into it.

Yesterday I picked up my first book of the year – it’s one that my mother passed onto me a few months ago and I still hadn’t got around to reading. I finally started reading it and I couldn’t put it down. An hour later and a few chapters in and I was ready to get on with some work. The best thing is, unlike when I procrastinate on social media, I didn’t wind up feeling bad about the time wasted, because it didn’t feel like time wasted at all. That saying is true; ‘the time wasted doing something you love isn’t time wasted at all’. I must remember that one this year.

Samio x

January 3, 2019
Thoughts For The Future & Not Really Having A Clue

I wrote this post yesterday whilst in the bath and shot these self portraits today, whilst not in the bath…

I’m currently in the bathtub. I’m writing this from my phone, which is a precarious task when holding your life device (as I’ll aptly call it) only centimetres away from a deep pool of water, but what can I say, I’m a dare devil.
 
I’m wallowing. Wallowing in this deep pool of warm steamy water (ahhh relaxing), and wallowing in my thoughts. I’ve come to the realisation that I don’t actually know what I’m doing with my life. Now that’s a tad dramatic, I do know what I’m doing with my life (at the moment at least) and I have to say I’m very happy with how things are going with said life thus far, but, as today I’m feeling a tad dramatic, I’ll refer to these emotions in a dramatic way and make no apologies for it.
 
I think what I mean is that whilst everything is going in the general direction I had hoped this year, and if anything surpassed expectations (which I’m so flipping grateful for), I’m also now questioning the direction and what path I’d like it to take me on going forward. It sounds somewhat cryptic and I honestly don’t mean it to be, because there’s not actually that much to it. I just have a lot of thoughts and a lot of ideas and sometimes I struggle to process them all and determine which is of highest priority and importance in my ‘shit to get done in life’ list.

I think sometimes the things that are projected onto us from the outside can sometimes muddle up these ideas we have for ourselves and our own journeys. I’m very empathetic when it comes to people’s emotions around me, so maybe I’m susceptible to other people’s life projections too. If that makes any sense? I never find myself wanting what other people have and I’m always so grateful for what I have myself, but I feel I’m maybe still influenced by others actions more than I realise.
 
I can sometimes find myself heading in a direction and then I think to myself ‘wait, what, this isn’t where I’d initially intended on heading’. Sometimes this can be good and sometimes this can be bad.
 

I always tend to become very reflective around this time of year, as I’m sure maybe you do too. I look back and look forward. I think about my achievements, what’s brought me joy and what I’d like more or less of going into the new year.
 
It’s important to check in with ourselves. I think today I’m just having one of those deeply reflective days where I think to myself ‘what next’, and what do I really want without the ideas, thoughts or actions of others influencing me.
 
I think it has something to do with the new year being seen as a fresh chapter, as if we wake up on January 1st reborn and brand new. As we all know, it’s nothing like that…in fact, my January 1st will be the furthest from that as I’ll likely wake up hungover (I cannot deny it, I will be no fresh daisy/spring chicken). But overall the general consensus is that the new year is a time for goal setting and starting something new and so whether we abide by that or not, it can still tend to lead most of us to feel reflective of the time passed.
 
Now in my own head I’m just trying to prioritise what these ‘goals’ and next steps might be. There’s a lot I want to do but I’m not going to overwhelm myself with aiming for everything all at once – I can be a tad unrealistic like that.
 

I guess I’m sharing this for me but I’m also sharing this for you too. Whilst on the outside someone’s life can appear like they have it all figured out, I think deep down most of us are all just trying to figure out what works for ourselves, as we go along, or at least I know I am and I’m not afraid to admit that sometimes I feel I have no clue. Sometimes I feel like a super cool boss woman who has it all together but then others days I completely do not. Whilst I’m grateful for who I have, what I have, and what I’m doing in life I still have days where I’m like ‘what is going on’, but then, don’t we all?
 
If, like me, you’re feeling a bit unsure where to project your focus for the new year because you want to do all of the things (and let’s face it there aren’t enough hours in the days, so we’ve gotta break it down), or maybe you don’t actually want to do any of them…then maybe it’s time to ask yourself ‘what do I really want?’…and ‘I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!’ (Sorry, inappropriate intersecting with a Spice Girls lyric there, I just could not resist)…but in all seriousness. Check in with yourself and ask yourself the question. Focus, prioritise and hone in on what’s really important to you, away from all the noise…I think that’s what I’m going to do.

So I’ll wallow in the bath with my thoughts a little longer, but that’s my rambling brain dump for the day. Hopefully you took something from it, even if it’s just the knowledge that I managed to bash out a blog post whilst laying in the bath and didn’t drop my phone – hurrah!
 
Samio x

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December 21, 2018
Realising The Power In Saying No

I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago and whilst waiting to take some fitting images to go alongside it, I decided to pull out these images from a trip I took at the start of October to the Wilderness Reserve. So bare with me whilst I play catch up on the blog images but I liked these ones too much to not share. Onyi and I snapped these before dinner on the evening of our trip and they actually look rather festive, so quite fitting for now…anyway, in this post I just wanted to have a chat and share some recent thoughts and feelings…

I’ve been getting better at saying ‘no’ a lot more recently. In some aspects of my life I’ve often been quite good at saying no but then in other areas of life, I’ve been all too keen to be the yes man (or should I say woman).

For example, with my work I’ve always wanted it to be something I enjoy and so I have no qualms about saying no to things that maybe pay well but aren’t right for me. I understand this is a luxury to be able to say no to things but at the same time it’s something that I think is so important when working for yourself in the way that I do, where people are basically putting trust in your opinions.

I can be quite stubborn and if something I’m being asked to do for a job doesn’t feel right I’ll always dispute it, and if I’m being asked to work on something that isn’t the right fit, I’m never afraid to say no. I always know it will be worth the wait to work on something else that does fit right, which in turn I’ll enjoy a lot more and put my all into in return…On the other hand, when the types of things that are the right fit and I am keen to work on, come along all at once, I find myself all too easily saying ‘yes’ to everything. Before I know it I’m feeling as though I’ve bitten off a little more than I can chew trying to juggle it all as my own little one man band.

The same goes for social engagements. I’ve spoken before about how much I love spending time with friends and loved ones, so I am very social in that sense. If it’s an event with strangers then I’ll easily say no if I’m not in the right mood but if it’s a gathering with good friends I’ll mostly always say yes and make time for those important to me. Before I know it I have a full social calendar and if the work is busy too, then I’m back to back, burning the candle at both ends.

This is something that I find happens with me every now and then. It always seems to creep up on me without me even realising that I’ve taken on too much until it’s too late. When collaborations that are the right fit come along, it can be hard to say no, even if I am already really busy. Then when friends want to see me in between, in fear of being a let down, I continue to say ‘yes’. Before I know it I can find myself struggling to juggle it all, leaving little time for myself to well, just have to myself.

This happened again quite recently. I was saying ‘yes’ all too often and ‘no’ hardly enough.
I think my subconscious snapped before I actually did. As usually when I have too much on my plate I don’t actually realise that’s the problem and so my stress can manifest itself in other ways. I’ve never really been an anxious person in the past but these past months I felt anxiety creep up on me and finally I realised something had to give. So, after what I’ll just describe as a ‘stressful period’, I learnt to start saying ‘no’ more.

It sounds so simple. One little, two letter word, ‘No’. But each time I turned down meeting a friend for a coffee, or planning a much needed catch up, I’d feel so much guilt creeping up on me. I didn’t want to be a bad friend. And as someone who mostly works from home with a ‘flexible’ schedule I’d feel the need to over explain myself when I would say no to something. What I had to remind myself is that it’s actually okay to have time for yourself. Time to breathe. Time to not do work, not see friends, and be alone, and if you like, do nothing.

The same goes for work. Like I said, I’ve always been okay with saying no to the things that don’t feel right but to the things that do, well that one has always been a little trickier. Feeling overwhelmed and stressed to breaking point was (although awful to experience) the sign I needed to just slow things right down. It’s also made me re-assess and re-prioritise what things are really important to me in all aspects of my life.

Although saying no to certain things was hard at first, the more I got used to it, the more I felt myself regaining control and the less overwhelmed I felt. It’s not about saying no to everything but just saying no to more things. Allowing more time for myself is something I’ve realised is so important.

Saying no to work more and learning to become okay with it has been quite a freeing experience. Sometimes I forget that I’m self employed and it’s only myself cracking my own whip. I can choose to take on as much or as little work as I like. You have to define your own success/balance/happiness. I’ve realised I can’t do all of the things, all of the time and whilst being what you’d maybe describe as a driven extrovert, I still need time to be alone, recharge, and well, rest.

Saying yes to things is so celebrated but hardly anyone talks about what happens when you say yes too much. I’m adventurous, I get FOMO too easily, I love my work and I’m very social, so being a yes person comes naturally to me, but I tend to go too much in one direction and not enough in the other. I found myself turning up too much for everything and everyone else and not enough for myself. But alone time/doing nothing time is very important and I’ve realised that actually I don’t thrive off of being non-stop, back to back busy.

These past few weeks I’ve felt myself re-balancing. I feel a lot calmer. I’ve seen friends but then booked out time for myself too. I’ve said yes to work that I’ve been excited about but then turned down work and other opportunities that I know I don’t have time for. I’ve regained the power in saying no and I’m feeling a lot more balanced and happier for it.

Samio x

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December 19, 2018
Life Currently

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and I can finally see it…okay, in terms of what I’m actually referring to that phrase is a tad dramatic, but I simply feel like I’m beginning to emerge from the other side of a very long stagnant period.

I mentioned in a vlog recently how I’ve not been feeling very ‘on it’ creatively (so to speak) and in real life amongst friends, I’ve mentioned not feeling very ‘me’ right now. I have been struggling to create, or at least create the way in which I’d like.

Looking back now, it’s clearly been a case of writer’s block of the creative variety. A period of time where you just can’t get the shot, any editing process is surprisingly tedious, and coming up with new and exciting creative ideas just isn’t quite happening…It doesn’t sound that bad, but when it’s your job, each day can feel like a drag and every process greatly frustrating. Blame it on mercury being in retrograde, or whatever you wish, but I’m glad to say, I’m finally feeling a shift and I’m getting back to my normal self.

FEELING CREATIVE

It’s funny, out of periods of stagnant activity, I often emerge feeling my most creative and productive self. Last week was a good example of this and I actually created and filmed one of my favourite fashion videos in some time.

If you’ve watched my style videos, you’ll know I like to get creative when putting together lookbooks and the like. For me, the editing process is just as much fun as the filming (if not more). I had an idea to film something ‘documentary style’, with the focus being on my personal style, and so I created a short video about my Summer Style. I filmed the majority of it myself, and after editing it I felt happy to have produced something I really felt, well, happy about. So yes, I’ve got my creative video mojo back, and you can watch the one I’m on about here.

Shop the palm print dress here.

FITNESS

I mentioned in a recent post about wanting to get healthy, like actual healthy this time, like not eating Dominions, followed by Mc Donald’s, followed by chippy all in the space of three days, healthy. Yes, I was that bad!

See the thing is with me, I have (had) what you might call and extremely balanced diet, and by that I mean one part of the week would be filled with fresh veg, home cooked meals and lots of good stuff, whilst the other end is filled with takeout pizza, meals out (and I never order the healthy options)…and wine, lots and lots of wine. It’s never bothered me too much and I’m one of those annoying people who has what they call a fast metabolism, however, I do love the feeling of being fit, and well, I’ve missed it.

I’m like a broken record and constantly say I want to get fit/healthy again, and then another takeaway later, I’m back to square one. I’ve been feeling in the need of some guidance for quite some time. Although I know I shouldn’t eat my bodyweight in fatty foods and alcohol over the weekend, I still do and maybe the fact that it doesn’t show too much is part of my problem.

I haven’t felt my most energised and fittest self over the past several months and the straw the broke the camel’s back was getting a cold in the middle of the heatwave (cause let’s face it, that’s ridiculous). To me that was a clear sign that my body was telling me to take it easy and to more importantly, take better care of myself.

So basically, I’ve decided it’s time to make a change and I couldn’t believe my luck when a PT got in touch wanting to work together. Yesterday Damien and I had our second session with our PT Jamal, and whilst it’s definitely pushing me to my limits, it feels so good to finally have the guidance and actual training we want/need.

GETTING CHATTY

As you probably already guessed from my lengthy blog posts, I’m quite a chatter. I love a good natter and once you get me started, it’s hard to shut me up.

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of chatting, more so than usual. I began (accidentally) weekly vlogging, and although initially the idea terrified me, I’m now finding it the most cathartic process and one that I’m slightly addicted too. I feel I’m documenting my journey as a blogger/creative and sharing my thoughts in the most natural way through vlogging.

Whilst I love the sleek and polished fashion videos that I like to create, it’s nice to be able to do the complete opposite when vlogging and show the very real side of life and the bits that go on behind the scenes. At the same time, whilst once being terrified by filming parts of my life and putting it on the internet for anyone to see, I’ve now learnt that I only need to share what I decide to, so it hasn’t yet become too imposing on my life. For example, I rarely vlog my weekends, or when I’m with friends who I know don’t feel comfortable in font of a camera. I mostly focus on my working life at home and it’s become a bit of a thought diary, so my vlogs are basically lots of chats from me, which surprisingly enough, some people seem to be enjoying. So as long as I enjoy the process too, I’m going to keep at it.

In other forms of chatting, I recently featured on a podcast for the first time. Kat invited me to chat on her wonderful podcast called Put Yourself First. I do love a good podcast, especially when I’m sat editing photos, or tidying up. Kat interviews lots of amazing and interesting women, so I feel pleased that she asked me to speak on there, and oh boy did we have a good natter. I’m yet to listen to it back myself because, well, I hear enough of my own voice, but Kat asks some great questions and so hopefully people will enjoy it as much as I’ve enjoyed listening to some of her other guests on her podcast. You can give the episode a listen here.

FOLLOWING PASSIONS

The final point I wanted to chat about was following your passions. I think this is a topic I’ll likely go into more detail on in a separate blog post, but for now, I’ll keep it brief. Long story short, recently, as I mentioned, I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts. I think part of it was to do with being torn between creating what I want to create and creating what I feel I’m expected to create, as a ‘blogger’, shall we say. Not only that but I have many other passions outside of blogging (some which weave in and out of it too) and I need to not forget to put focus on those things too.

Sometimes it’s easy to get so caught up in the numbers, what you think brands want and what everyone else is doing. Whilst I’m often quite good at doing what feels right for me and not paying too much attention to the rest, I do have moments where I slip into feelings of self doubt and find myself feeling the pressure of conforming to what I feel is expected.

It’s funny, because as a creative (as I’ve mentioned on many occasions) there is no correct way to do anything. Literally, anything goes and can work if you do it with enough passion. I’ve just had to remind myself about the things that I love and enjoy most.

I’m also taking on other projects outside of blogging. Again, working on other passions and doing things purely for me. Sometimes you just have to do what makes you happy and do the things that feel right to you.

Samio x

August 15, 2018
A Sick Day & Not Taking Things For Granted

I’m sat up in bed, surrounded by an unwanted abundance of snotty tissues…and wow, do I feel exhausted.

There are so many things I love about being self employed that I hardly ever take time to dwell on the negatives. But it’s on days like today when I could easily fantasise about calling in sick and then spending the remainder of the day cocooned in blanked, drinking copious amounts of hot honey and lemon, whilst having the world’s smallest pity part for one. I guess this little mind dump of a blog post is the closest thing I’ll get to that, as today’s little pity party is about to be cut prematurely short.

This morning I have to head out and shoot and after about 4 hours of broken sleep, I couldn’t think of anything worse. Unfortunately it’s not a day where I can be flexible and change things around, as I have a deadline and needs must and all that. Thank goodness for heavy concealer, that’s all I can say! It’s not the end of the world, I know, and to be honest it’s time like this that make me feel grateful for all the other things that I do love about my job.

I always tend to find that when I get sick with something so trivial as a cold (where I feel horrendous yet deep down know it’s not actually the end of the world), it actually helps me to put things into perspective. Not only with work, but also with general life.

I’ve been jokingly saying for a while now how I need to stop constantly eating crap. As much as I love salad, fruit, veg and all the good stuff (which I do eat in large quantities), I don’t think it counts so much if you’re following it up with take out and junk food on a regular basis.

If I were to write a food diary, you (and likely myself included), would be shocked. Sometimes I blame being busy, having to eat out a lot due to a busy social life and having an irregular schedule, but really I only have myself to blame. You can’t burnt the candle at both ends, eat like you’re filming a new Super Size Me documentary, and expect to stay fit and healthy. Nope. And that’s most likely why, on top of everything, my body has finally said, ‘I’m not having it, I don’t feel good, you’re rundown, here’s a cold’.

So taking better care of myself (or at least cutting down on all the extra crap I put into my body), is up there on the to do list. Along with that, I always tend to get my best ideas and inspiration when I’m not feeling well and have little energy to do anything. It’s frustrating of course, but it makes you realise all the things you really want to get done, and for me, it makes me realise how lucky I am to usually be able to do them without a second thought.

Something so simple, like going for a walk for example. I was so desperate to get out and go for a walk yesterday, so Damien and I went for one and even though it was a beautiful evening and I was glad for the fresh air, it absolutely floored me. Things like that just make me think about those who maybe always have to deal with that feeling, and how I can sometimes take these things for granted. I’m lucky that (aside from this passing cold), overall, I have my health. I can do things that I want and enjoy to do, so I should do them.

So we’ll round up this little cathartic poor excuse for a rant, style blog post by saying that, although having a cold sucks (and through it I feel pretty sorry for myself), it’s actually one of those little tiny blips that helps you put things into perspective and really appreciate your health, abilities and time. So I’m going to get up, take a hot shower, drink as much hot honey and lemon as I can before leaving the house, glam myself up (because like they say, fake it till you make it, or in this case, fake it until you’re actually well again) and get this show on the road…

Samio x

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July 26, 2018
Reflecting on June

And breath…

The month of June was a bit of a whirlwind and so much happened that I don’t feel I’ve been fully able to process it all yet. I’m now back home, sat at my little make shift work area, with my freshly poured coffee, my laptop open in front of me…and I’m not quite sure where to start.

I’ve been away twice in the past month (3 times if you include the weekend trip I took to Wales) and whilst I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, it’s left me feeling slightly off-kilter when it comes to my blog and work…and although I ended up working throughout my holidays, I still can’t help but feeling behind and somewhat overwhelmed by the amount I need to catch up on. So I thought I’d start here and cathartically share some of what I’ve been up to this past month and why the month of June has been such a momentous one for me.

The start

I really hit the ground running at the start of June (or should I say, hiking), as myself and some of my close girlfriends took a trip to Wales to climb Mount Snowdon. This was a pre-birthday celebration for my birthday the following weekend, and something we’d been looking forward to for months. I don’t usually do much for my birthday but this year I felt the urge to celebrate it doing something that was very me. It’s probably a sign of my age, but I’d much rather a long hike followed by a wine night in, than a night out clubbing these days. Times really do change and I joked with my girls at how we’d come a long way since our birthday celebrations in our early 20s. It couldn’t have been more perfect for me though and it was one of those girls trips where you find yourself laughing from start to finish.

The Snowdon hike also reiterated to me my love for hiking and the great outdoors. It’s something I don’t share much here on my blog but I’ve loved going hiking since I was young and it’s something Damien and I have got back into doing more of recently. I want to share more of that adventurous side and I’d love to plan some more outdoorsy trips in the future too.

My Birthday

I’m not someone who frets too much over their birthday, but then I’m not 30 yet, so we’ll see how things change when that one comes along…but for now I’m blissfully enjoying each year as it comes along. I could end up eating my words in years to come and long for the days when my tits were perkier and I saw a fresh faced 20 something year old staring back at me in the mirror, but for now I’m not too worried about getting (slightly) older.

With age comes wisdom, as they say and I do believe that. Not necessarily that just because you’re old means you’re wise, but with each year comes new lessons. I definitely know a lot more than I knew a year ago and I’m grateful for that knowledge I’ve gained and the lessons I’ve learnt. We all live and we learn, and birthdays can be a good time to reflect on what we’ve learnt during that particular age. For me this birthday coincided with lots of changes and things being ticked off, so it was a reflective one for sure and one that made me feel grateful for where I’m at right now.

Trainers – Adidas | Shorts – Uniqlo | T-shirt – & Other Stories (sold out, similar here) | Bag – DVF (sold out, similar here) | Necklace – Pernille Corydon | Sunglasses – Taylor Morris (same style in different colour, here)

The End of An Era/New Beginnings

I decided to make the (not so easy) decision to leave my agencies and quit modelling after 6 and a half years of doing it as my full-time job. It’s crazy to think that it really is the end of an era for me, even as I type these words it still sort of feels strange to be saying it. I’m no longer a model and I’m now solely a full time blogger/creative…and this is the first time I’ve properly announced it anywhere.

For me it’s something that has naturally been transitioning over the past eight months or so. As my work load as a blogger/Youtuber/creative increased, I was finding less time for modelling, and it was like a tip of the scales one day where I just thought, something has to give. Modelling was a dream I pursued for a long time and got to fulfil so many goals through it. It gave me some incredible opportunities that I’ll forever be grateful that I got to experience, and through it I met some of my best friends. I think there comes a time in many life chapters where as much as you’ve enjoyed it for a time, yourself, your life and your goals change so much that you know that it’s time to move on.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make but if I’m honest I felt relieved once I’d plucked up the courage and decided to make it final. I no longer had to keep wasting anyones time when I wasn’t available for castings and modelling jobs, or try to juggle it all as my workload outside of modelling was increasing…and I instantly felt free to put 100% into my creative work, which is what I feel most passionate about.

A big Tick off The List

In March I decided it was time to finally start having driving lessons. It’s something I’d put off for years and I’d never really been that interested in driving in the past. Only when it felt like it would be really beneficial (like when I’d get booked on a modelling job in the middle of the country side), did I really wish I could drive. This year I made a personal list of things I’d like to achieve and one of those was to finally learn how to drive. I still don’t particularly need to be able to drive, however I finally felt ready to take on lessons and had the mindset that I wanted to get it done and pass!

I’ll be honest, I didn’t love driving lessons. I had an amazing instructor who was very patient and such a good teacher but I still found myself feeling incredibly anxious before every lesson. Sometimes I’d actually be filled with dread the night before a lesson and although I knew I was being irrational, I just couldn’t help but worry about having to get into the car. It’s funny because as soon as I’d be in the car and driving about on my lesson, (aside from the obvious minor nerves) I felt fine, yet still it was like a cycle and before the next lesson I’d be feeling anxious all over again.

I can’t say it was easy breezy for me, and so I did have to work at it. When it finally came to the date of my test I knew deep down I could do it but I was worried that my nerves would get in the way. It was a surprise to me that I passed first time, so much so, that I burst out crying as soon my test examiner said the words ‘you’ve passed’. Not the usual reaction I’m sure, but I was just so overwhelmed and I couldn’t believe it was over. Thank goodness I don’t have to do that again, that’s all I can say.

To add to it, two days later Damien and I went to pick up our new car and that afternoon I drove it on the road for the first time as a newly passed driver. It still feels quite strange that I can now say I can drive and that there’s a car on the drive that I’m actually legal to drive about in.

New Hair, Who This

I got box braids for the first time. This might not seem like the biggest thing ever but for someone who has had near enough the same hair style for the past 6 years this is quite the change. Obviously box braids aren’t forever and my afro is sitting tight, having a much welcomed rest whilst in these plaits, but I’m seriously loving this style more than I expected. It’s just nice not having to worry about doing my hair, which I now realise is actually so time consuming. I feel very me with this style, which is strange because I didn’t think anything could feel more ‘me’ than my afro. But it’s nice to have a change once in a while and settle in to something new. I’ll actually be sad when it comes time to take them out but this is a hairstyle I will be returning to for sure.

A Long Overdue Girl’s Holiday

I love girl time and girls holidays are my fave. I went to my friend’s villa in Spain and had such a fun four nights away. We laughed, we drank, we ate, we chatted, we even made up a dance routine and it was just what I needed. Sunshine, sangria and girl time.

Exciting Collaborations

Although this month has been my month for going on holiday, it’s ironically been one of my busiest work months. Out of office unfortunately doesn’t always mean much when you’re self employed and as much as I tried to step away from the work load, it’s hard to completely switch off from it when important emails need to be answered and content needs to be shot.

Luckily I really enjoy the creative process and shooting (can’t say the same for emails), so I didn’t mind taking some time out of one of my holidays to shoot some collaborations, but it has all been rather non-stop. I’m definitely not complaining though as I’ve got to work with some of my favourite brands during June and one of my biggest blogger collaborations so far, that I shot with Oasis, went live at the end of the month too. I’m feeling incredibly grateful for the opportunities that have been coming my way and June was a month of seeing some of my hard work paying off.

First Time a Bridesmaid

I’ll end on the most prominent part of June (although it’s hard to decipher what’s been most prominent during this crazy month)…but my trip to America was definitely a highlight. Damien and I went over for my friend’s wedding and it was my first time not only being a bridesmaid, but a maid of honour too! I felt so honoured (pardon my pun) to be a part of our friend’s special day, I think I’m as excited to see the wedding photos as the happy couple are!

The trip overall was so much fun. The wedding was in Oregon city, just outside of Portland and Damien and I flew to San Francisco for four nights, then to Portland for four nights for the wedding. We then flew from Portland to San Fran for one last night, before returning home. I plan on chatting much more about our San Fran and Portland trip in a separate blog post but for now I’ll just say that we both had a brilliant time and it was great to be reunited with my friend and see her walk down the isle on her special day.

And that’s about it. It’s been a full on month. I feel like I’ve gone through a range of emotions and took on so many different experiences that my brain is only just starting to process everything properly now. June has been quite the stand out month for me and in more ways than one. It’s funny how it’s mid-way through the year too and it’s been quite the momentous half way point. It’s a prime example of how sometimes everything can come at once, and a lot of things have paved the way for the rest of my year to come.

Samio x

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July 10, 2018
3 Things I’ve Stopped Doing

Small Changes

Now that we are into the second month of 2018, I’ve started to see myself form new habits over the past several weeks, or to put it more accurately, I’ve actually seen myself change old ones. There’s often that widespread ‘new year, new me’ mentality at the start of January that slowly seems to disperse as the weeks roll on, and I like many, can often see myself slipping back into old habits as the enthusiasm for change slowly wears off. However, each year I find myself implementing small changes that are often more of the smaller things that initially seem less life changing but in the long run actually make a bit of difference to the way I do things. Not everything has to be deep and meaningful but sometimes something as simple as saving yourself a couple of minutes when getting ready each day can actually end up having a bigger imapct than you realise. So without further ado, here are a few things that I’ve stopped doing…

Contouring

The makeup technique once reserved for stage makeup and drag queens, is now an integral part of many women’s (and some men’s) makeup routines. What started out as a faddish trend, quickly got its foot firmly in the door and decided it was here to stay, changing the face of makeup worldwide and creating a new area for beauty brands to cash in on. I like many, soon fell in line and before I knew it, I too was on the hunt for the perfect contouring kit to define my features and give me cheekbones like Naomi Campbell.

For years thereafter I tried a countless number of contouring products and techniques, and yet I’ve still never quite fathomed what I’m actually meant to be doing. Whilst I have found contouring (or at least attempting to contour) a fun part of makeup to play around with, I must admit that trying to incorporate the technique into my day to day makeup routine has been a time consuming activity that I mostly fail at. With that in mind, I decided to put down the contouring products and ditch the sculpting attempts, and if I’m quite honest my makeup has been much better for it…not to mention more time efficient.

I won’t say goodbye to contouring for good, let’s just say that it’s complicated and we’re on a break. It’s likely something I’ll save for evenings out or occasions when I have more time to faff with my makeup but for now I’m keeping it simple.

Watching Too Much Netflix

It was only last year that Damien and I succumbed to lure of Netflix. Looking back, I’m not quite sure what we did before it. Maybe we read books, or talked, who knows. All I know is last year, the most recurrent way to spend our downtime was to simply ‘Netflix and chill’, to quote the popular phrase.

It got to the end of last year and we’d watched so many films and web TV series, that we couldn’t even remember half of what we’d watched. It was at this point that I decided to make a concious effort to consume less web-televised content and be more concious of what I chose to watch. One month and a bit into the new year and so far so good. Of course I love watching some of the amazing shows on Netflix in my downtime but I also love other things too and now I’ve got back into reading again and Damien and I also love a good podcast of an evening too.

Making Excuses & Procrastinating

I feel like I could jinx myself with this one but one of the biggest things I’ve stopped doing is making excuses, procrastinating (as much) and instead I’ve just been getting on with things and getting things done. Now I’ve mentioned my struggle with procrastination time and time again here on my blog and it’s something I bring up a lot because it’s something I’ve found myself to struggle with a lot. One of the simplest ways I’ve eased out of my bad habit is by regularly reminding myself of one of my mottos (which I also wrote about in a recent post here) and that is – Your dreams don’t work unless you do. It’s cheesy but it’s also true and I feel this past month I’ve formed a habit of working extra hard and making it my priority to get stuff done. There’s no more making excuses of why I can’t do something and instead I’m telling myself that I can and then getting on with it.

Skirt – French Connection | Top – Similar here | Watch – Cluse

So those are just a few things that I’ve stopped doing so far this year. Hopefully these are some habits that are here to stay. They say it takes anywhere between 21 days to two months to form a new habit, so I guess so far, so good but maybe I’ll have to share a little update in a couple of months to see how I’m getting on.

Is there anything that you’ve stopped doing this year? Are you forming any new habits or changing any old ones?

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February 8, 2018